Chapter 13

The Cost of Motoring - Patong or Bust!

About fifteen years ago on holiday in the Czech republic some friends and I decided to visit the interesting medieval silver-mining town of Kutna Hora. It was a beautiful summer's day and with the car windows wide open we were happy. The roads were quiet as it was lunchtime. Being not certain of where to park, at a cross roads, up ahead we saw a police car. "If you want to know the time (or anything else) ask a policeman" is standard in England.
As we pulled up two policemen got out of their car and spot fined us about £100 for being in a forbidden area. The wrong place at the wrong time. I protested that we were just visitors and doing our best to abide by the rules. The reply was that we had passed a sign at the crossroads which clearly indicated, in Czech, that this was a no go area. I suggested that it would have been more conducive to good Czech English relationships if the police had stood at the crossroads and politely pointed out to we foreigners that we couldn't go that way. But no, the policeman was adamant, he collected the fine and the town coffers, or possibly his personal finances, were richer in cash and the town's reputation poorer in our estimation.

Two days ago I was lent a stunning book on Thai-western relationships. It is entitled "Good medicine for Thailand Fever. A road map for Thai-Western relationships" and I wish I had read it before embarking on my relationship with a Thai girl. Most of the problems that we have encountered, which have probably finished our relationship, are discussed in the most helpful terms. It is written in English and thai and includes just about every problem I have had. As an example, I have written before about the frustration of asking a girl what she would like to do or where she would like to go - only to be answered "it's up to you". Suddenly I understand.

Anyway the book is so good that yesterday I resolved to ride my bike into Patong and purchase a couple of copies. One for me and one, of course, for the lady in question - a sort of farewell present I suppose.

I donned my helmet and set out. The road from Bangtao to Patong is beautiful with its steep winding hills and superb glimpses of the beaches and blue-green sea. It is, however, a slightly tense experience as one mixes it with other motorbikes, cars, tuk-tuks and the occasional juggernaut.

I made it safely and parked in a line of other bikes outside the Jung-Ceylon shopping mall. It was cool in the mall and I spent a happy hour browsing, finally locating the book I wanted.

On returning to my bike, it will not surprise people in the know, I found it linked to several other bikes by a padlocked chain and with an official sort of note attached. A nearby tuk-tuk driver was able to inform me, with the aid of a local English speaking shopkeeper that parking was only allowed on one side of the road and that this side alternated every day. I had had the misfortune to arrive on the wrong day. The fine would be 300 baht which must be paid at the local police station. He would be happy to drive me to the police station, wait while I paid the fine, and drive me back. All for a mere 200 baht. I accepted his offer.

At the police station I apologised to the duty officer, who was in a very good mood as I suppose he should be, and filled in the relevant forms. He picked up my sun-glasses and put them on and smiled. I smiled back, told him, as he handed back my glasses, that they were worth much more than 300 baht and handed him the money.

The tuk-tuk driver ferried me back to my bike which was being unlocked by another smiling police officer as we arrived. He pointed out the road sign which indicated that I should not have parked there on that day. It was some fifty metres up the road - and written in Thai. I thanked him for his courtesy and offered to buy him a coffee if he wanted one- after all as he had pointed out to me he hadn't locked my bike up, he had released it.

Now I really can't get very cross about this. The entertainment was well worth the 500 baht it cost me. But without wishing to sound too serious I must just point out that this kind of thing does not enhance the town's reputation.

As a footnote I would add that at the moment my motoring expenses suggest that I can expect to spend three times as much money on fines as I spend on petrol!
But who knows. I just might learn from the experience.