Chapter 20

Culture Clash:

Despite making huge strides in my understanding of the differences in western and Thai culture I still, every now and then, come up with stubborn barriers to understanding which I just cannot seem to shift.

I blame myself for this since it is, I think, mostly due to my having had a lifetime’s experience of my own culture which makes it so difficult for me to adjust to this other way of life which sometimes seems so similar and yet at other times so totally alien.

As I have already noted, Nyt works in a local bar and is a good friend of mine. She is the lady for whom I bought a bracelet because I was accidentally unpardonably rude to her.
We occasionally go swimming together and even more occasionally she spends the night with me.
Nyt is in the position of many girls here in Bangtao. She is from the Isan province up to the north east near the Laos border. She has two young children who are being looked after by her parents. She works here to support her family. ‘Face’ and pride are one thing, but supporting one’s family comes first.

I remember many years ago when the absolutes of youth, right and wrong, love and hate, truth and lies etc. faded for me as I realised that one cannot understand life in such black and white terms, not even in shades of grey. No. Life is a kaleidoscope of interacting colours, views and aspirations.

One can only do one’s best in what is often what seems to be an overwhelmingly complex situation.
The only view I have of this which has remained fixed, so far, throughout my life is that one should treat all people as equal. That is to say that everybody I meet is as important as I am.

However I won’t go as far as my mother did. She used to regard everybody as more important than she was and that I think is not a good idea.

But to come back to my story.

The other evening, in The Yellow Bar, I was talking to Nyt and rather hoping that she might like to come back to my place for the night.
However she had made it quite clear to me in the past that she had a family to support and that there would need to be a financial transaction.

Here then lies my problem.

I like to think that Nyt is a good friend who considers me in a similar way. If this is so then, coming from my farang culture , if she needs to be paid to enjoy my company for the night then this is not what I want.
I want her to be with me because she enjoys my company, not my money. Coming from her Thai culture she looks upon any money I give her as being a necessary token of my concern for her (and her family).

Despite my understanding, at least in principle, of her view it still went far too much against my upbringing and culture to go with.

So what could be done?

As we were sitting at the bar I handed her a thousand baht note.

“What is that for?” she asked.
“It’s not for anything” I replied.
“It’s just a gift, because I like you and care about you.”

She looked confused and didn’t know what to do with it.

Later I said to her that if she would like to come back to my place for the night I would like that but that it was entirely “up to her”. But that I would not be paying her any money to do so.

We had the usual,-“Up to you.”- “No. Up to you.” exchange.

And I assured her that the money I had given her was hers and that it did not depend on her sleeping with me.

This caused a considerable amount of confusion. And I must admit I was more than a little interested to see how she would cope with this, shall we say, different, situation.

Well, cope with it she did and I think we are still good friends.