Chapter 4

Happy Endings:

In Bangtao there are countless massage parlours. Now this is not surprising since Thai massage is famous throughout the world.

Massage is something which I find hugely relaxing and therapeutic. So with this in mind I have investigated the phenomenon.

When I walk down the main street by the beach I am cordially greeted by most people I meet but none more cordially than the girls at the massage parlours. Yes, indeed, they know me well. I have visited ,at least once, every parlour in the street.

Massage in England has a dubious reputation, more than a little on the sleazy side. However in Thailand it is a rich part of the cultural heritage. This is not to say that the services offered are not extensive and indeed variable.

My favourite parlour has two masseuses, mature ladies probably in their forties. They are both highly skilled and effective. A Thai massage is, to say the least, vigorous. it is a little like being beaten up by someone who you have to trust will not actually harm you. A lady of my acquaintance left a massage with considerable bruising on her legs, arms and back.

At its best a Thai massage leaves one feeling physically tired but invigorated. The other common form of massage is an oil massage. This is more gentle and at its best leaves one relaxed and ready for a good night's sleep. In fact I often go for an oil massage late in the evening before retiring to bed. I sleep well.

Many massage parlours offer other services. Now a typical massage cost about three hundred to four hundred baht but if one requires other services then the price ,of course, rapidly escalates. In general if one enters a massage parlour it is simply for a massage. What one must realize is that after a half an hour of having one's body subjected to either a pummelling or a more gentle caressing then that which seemed quite unnecessary becomes a much more compelling concept. After all if ninety five percent of one's body is now relaxed it seems foolish not to let the other five per cent in on the act.

The services often offered , in general come in three categories. First something that could equally be done for oneself. Second something which I am told that only about one per cent of men can do for themselves. And thirdly something for which one definitely requires a woman. In all these cases it is affectionately referred to as "a happy ending". If this is not the result one has in mind then my suggestion is that you only take enough money to the parlour for a massage. This will work.

It is also possible to get a massage in one's own apartment. This is good in that it is more private and therefore more relaxing. But, of course, it is more likely to lead to further expense. At one time my masseuse suggested that I should come and live with her as it would be cheaper than renting my apartment. I declined the offer though I was sorely tempted as she was an excellent masseuse.

Of course with all this around one should not forget that every beach has massage available. For those amongst us who are a little embarrassed by the thought of massage then let me recommend that this is a good way to start. Because it is fairly public then it is quite clear that no, even vaguely, embarrassing activities will occur. So one can relax in the knowledge that your swimming trunks will not be removed!

I tried a new massage parlour the other day called somewhat intriguingly "Secret massage". It was good, so good that on the way out I walked straight into the closed clear glass door. I have suggested that they put a sign on the door saying "SHhhhhhhhh........"