Chapter 44

Déjà vu revisited:

Now to be fair I must admit that this is not written from Bangtao. I am at the moment in Nan which is way up north - east of Chiang Mai but more of that later.

Avid (I use the word more in desperation than in hope) readers will know that I have a fascination with comparing things that have happened in my dim and distant past with right up to date scenarios. ‘Plus ca change plus c’est la meme chose‘ and all that.

Well today the déjà vu was out in force even if the circumstances were somewhat different.

Way back in the fifties when I was still at school: I had my first date. Ah Jean Maxfield where are you now?
I took Jean to the pictures in Cosham and I freely admit that I do not remember what the film was except that I vaguely remember there were dinosaurs in it. We then caught the bus to Stubbington where she lived. We walked the last hundred yards to her home and said a lingering goodnight.

Heaven? Well it felt pretty close to it to me. I walked, with a spring in my step, to the end of her road and started hitch-hiking home. It was late so it took about ten minutes or so before somebody stopped.
“Where you going?” he said.
“Portsmouth”! I replied.
Whereupon he stopped the car and pointed out that I was heading in the opposite direction.
Slightly embarrassing but hey love is love.

Today it has been rather different.

As I said I am in Nan. A delightfully un-faranged corner of northern Thailand where the worse excesses of tourism have not penetrated. I love it here but of course I am here with a purpose. It is to visit my friend May.
This afternoon, it being a Sunday, there wasn’t much happening so we, that is to say May, her daughter Mind and Mind’s school friend Emmy adjourned to our favourite riverside restaurant. We had a light lunch with, in my case perhaps too much, beer.
Drinking too much beer is for me a dangerous procedure since it often means that I say what I think instead of what the audience wishes to hear.

Now on the previous day I had understood , or perhaps more accurately, misunderstood, from khun May that the reason that she did not sleep with me was that she understood that this was far too important. I had said to her that I would not give her a single baht to sleep with her - all I would offer was my love. Yes, yes I know how terribly romantic- and how terribly unrealistic. But hey romance was always one of my strong/weak points.
So being stupid I suggested to her that as it was obviously difficult for her to spend, how shall I put it, “quality time” with me here on her home territory then perhaps she would like to spend a week with me in Phuket.
The next few seconds are a bit of a blur, but the gist of it all was that apparently I had come to Nan thinking that my money would gain the favours that I so desired.
Now I thought that was, in the light of my previous statement about not offering anything, except my love, to sleep with her, really bloody unfair. Though, if I am honest, I would have to admit that the rich farang bit is always lurking in the background.
Anyway I took umbrage. I walked off. Now we were several kilometres from town, down by the river so I thought - I’m out of here and a good walk will calm me down (surely all this adrenaline can’t be good for me at my age).
After crossing the river and walking for about twenty minutes the town didn’t seem to be getting any nearer. It was hot, and so was I. I was also much to proud to phone May and tell her I was lost. After all she had just bloody well annoyed me - not only insulting me but herself in the process.
I was getting dehydrated and began to realise that I had a problem.
However I was lucky. I stumbled across ( and stumbled is probably the right word) a police station. Outside it were a policeman and a policewoman. They both spoke very little English. My command of the Thai language is even less.
However they eventually persuaded me that (yes you’ve probably guessed it, here comes the deja vu bit) I was heading in exactly the wrong direction for town. I couldn’t believe it but they nearly convinced me. Of course I couldn’t remember the name of my hotel but they said they’d give me a lift anyway.

Five minutes later I was back in my hotel.

May phoned about then saying that her daughter had seen me walking the wrong way across the river bridge. I paused before saying “thank you for your concern but I have no problems - bye“.
I then to my disgrace sent a rather nasty sms telling her how outrageous I thought she had been”.

Oh well yet again “Goodbye May”.