Chapter 45

A Tale of Two Necklaces:

As I have already related I went to Nan a couple of weeks ago to visit May, who had decided to move back there and look after her daughter. Now I suspected strongly that our relationship, in so far as it ever was one, would not survive this separation. So I decided that as a goodbye present I would buy her something which would, I hoped, remind her of me.

I went to what is purported to be the largest gold and jewellery shop in the world and bought her a necklace.
The necklace is gold and it has a pendant which consists of a single pearl (from Phuket of course) with just above it a ring of tiny diamonds. If you want to know how much it cost then you have not understood my reason for buying it. I think it is beautiful.

The day before I was due to go to Nan I got a phone call from May.
“Can you do me a favour?” she said.
“That depends on what it is” I replied.
“Well, my necklace, my gold necklace is in the local gold shop in Cherntalay”.
I thought I knew which necklace she was talking about since I had bought her one for her birthday a year or so ago.
“If you could redeem it then I could re-pawn it locally in Nan”
I could sense that this was not going well. If she had asked me a week earlier I would have had time to make a sensible decision.
“OK” I said.
“Oh and my gold ring is in the other gold shop just up the road”.

By now I was getting irritated. It has been my experience here that you do not ‘lend’ a Thai girl anything - you ‘give’ it.

It also meant that I had to use all three of my credit cards to get enough money to redeem these items in time to catch my plane up north.

By the time I had redeemed them I was angry.
I was even angrier when I realised that the necklace I was redeeming was not the one I gave her..
I went for a coffee at khun Aor’s bar to try and calm down. It was explained to me that what khun May was asking for was to transfer her debt to a local shop so that she did not have to deal with a long distance debt here in Bangtao. A debt which incidentally she has to make a payment on every month, or lose the goods.
This sounded a little bit better but in my heart I already knew what I would do about it. And, of course, so did May.

In due course I arrived in Nan and was met by May accompanied by her daughter. They clearly have a close relationship since I never once saw May without her except when May said goodbye to me on my way to the airport.

Now I have always tried to be straight with May. So when she makes me angry I tell her so, and why. Her reply was to say that she was angry with me because if I had not wanted to be her friend and help her then I should not have done so, instead of getting cross about it. Well I suppose she had a sort of point but….
Words sometimes fail me.

To be fair to May, as in Chiang Mai last year, we had a good, albeit low key, time. She showed me around the Wats which are really very special and we went shopping and we ate out every evening. Not once despite my suggestions did I see her on her own. Oh except for once when we went for a ride on separate motorbikes - but that is a story for another time.

All the time in the back of my mind and in my pocket were two necklaces. The one I had recently bought and the one I had redeemed for her.

It turned out in fact that though she had told me that she had given that necklace to her daughter in fact she had part exchanged it for a more expensive one which she had subsequently pawned.
Now I wasn’t best pleased when she asked if I minded if she gave it to her daughter but for her to then calmly state that that was not what she had done, well…. like I said, words sometimes fail me.

As the week progressed I had to decide at what level I rated our friendship. I guessed that this was probably the end of the affair though affair is scarcely the word for it. But on the other hand we had enjoyed each other’s company on countless dinner dates and various other occasions.

I have explained my views on friendship to May on umpteen occasions. Basically they come down to this.

To my friends I will give what I can afford. In return I expect their friendship.

To somebody I love I will give what I cannot afford. In return I hope for their love.

Now clearly May does not love me or indeed want my love so that puts a ‘be sensible’ limit on everything and that’s ok.

So the problem comes in defining friendship.

May once told me she had some friends who she really did not like.
“No May, you’ve got that wrong” I said.
“They are not friends they are merely acquaintances”.
To me friendship is about give and take… equally on both sides. It being as much a pleasure to give as it is to receive. Equally caring partners with different gifts to offer.

Just before I left for Nan I was told that May had boasted that she would get money from me.
Now from a European perspective that sounds terrible. Here in Thailand it is not so. It is not uncommon for a lady to boast about how much a farang cares about her and this is usually expressed in financial terms.

However I am a European.

After a week in Nan, which was quite enjoyable, (I always find May is good company) I gradually decided that a compromise was called for.

If I am honest with myself I would have to admit that I bought the new pearl-pendanted necklace in the hope of persuading May that I was a man she could love. This was clearly now never going to be the case.
Whilst I am even now rather annoyed about the other necklace, I do have some sympathy for May in that she has no job at the moment and is obviously very short of cash.

So I have given May back her necklace and the ring, as a gesture of friendship. I expect she will pawn it and that’s fine. It will give her enough money to start her daughter at her new school and give her time to find a job.

And the other necklace?

I shall give it to someone who loves me already for I know that she will cherish it and it will remind her of me in the years to come.

I ask for no more but I want no less.