Chapter 56

A Fine Romance:

Many years ago when I was about twenty years old I lost my girlfriend to the delights of Oxford University.
Of course the romance could not survive such a culture shock.
I was, at the time, a milkman in Portsmouth. She was, when I met her at a
“ Crescent City Jazz Band ” gig, a sixth-form schoolgirl studying Latin and Greek.
We got on well and about eighteen months later she became the first lady I ever proposed to.
Her reply, after a slight pause was “that would be nice” but we both knew that
this was a desperate ploy of mine, to capture her affections before she was seduced by the giddy pleasures of the University.

She of course fell for the first young intellectual she met.

Was I heartbroken? Yes of course I was but we remained good friends and indeed are still occasionally in contact more than fifty years later.

However the point of this episode is as follows.

A year later I was at college in Portsmouth repeating the ‘A’ levels that I had failed so dismally with at school.
I was a bit depressed for some reason and decided to hitch up to Oxford to say Hello to my one-time lady love.
I arrived at her residence in the mid-afternoon.
I walked up to her room to be confronted by a message ‘Please do not disturb’ hanging from the door-knob.
I thought about it for a bit. Was she studying? Had she got a man with her? Or what?
I turned round and walked away –rather dejected but I really did not want to impose on her.

On reflection I think that was quite romantic really. I just did not want to have my image of her damaged.

I hitched back to Portsmouth and never told her about it.


So here I am in Phuket and my incurable need for romance seems to be ,er, incurable.

Today I devised a cunning plan to persuade Khun Bee to at least speak to me again. For the last week she has been ignoring my txt messages.
This is, of course, the best way to get rid of somebody who is no longer on your want to be friends with list.
It would be churlish of me to continue harassing the lady so I decided on one last, probably despairing, effort.

I sent her the following txt message:

           Dear Khun Bee
           We have both hurt each other. I would like to talk to you so
           We can still be friends, I will not push or pull you. I will be
           at Layan beach at 4 o’clock, (where we met last month).
           It would be nice to see you there. I know this will be
           difficult for you but I don’t bite and will not lose my
           temper for another 99 years and 364 days at least.
           Your affectionate friend
           Reb

I duly set of for the beach at 3 o’clock in plenty of time as it would not do to keep a lady waiting.
At twenty to four I was hopelessly lost and almost in tears. I had a picnic of crisps and beer in my motorbike’s front basket and yet here I was lost and with the thought of her turning up and finding me not there.
I could not believe that I could be so stupid. She always said I was too old – and I was proving it.
Fortunately a bit of calming down and thinking put me back on the right track and I arrived at the beach at ten to four.

I sat casually at a table near the parking area – the table we had sat at a month ago and pretended to be deeply engrossed in a book.

Two hours later I gave up. The book just wasn’t that good.

Did I really expect her to turn up? No of course not. But my heart said to me – she just might – and I always listen to my heart.
Ah the romance in my soul never fades even though sometimes it makes me do bloody stupid things.
I can’t quite see how I can re-establish any kind of rapprochement with the lady but, ever the optimist, I hope that somehow we will still be good friends, if not for the next fifty years. then at least for the foreseeable future.