Chapter 58

On Being a Tigger:

When I was very young though only reasonably bright I had one big asset which I wish I had understood, if not at the time, then by the time I was in my early teens.

This advantage was, and is, speed of thought and the ability to make quick decisions.
This had a downside to it. Because I could analyse situations or data quickly then in a typical classroom situation I rapidly got bored because the teacher had to slow down so the others could catch up.
This boredom reached a peak in my late teens and my school exam results reflected it.
Most of my learning was from being an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction.

Later when I realized that with a determined effort I could pass exams I also discovered the huge advantage that I had.
In real life situations, when questions are asked, mostly the answers required are not of the ‘this is the right solution and that is the wrong solution’ type but more it is about determining which way to go. When either way would probably suffice.
If you are quick then generally speaking you get to go the way YOU want.

This in general is very satisfying.

Of course it also means that one leaves a wake of disgruntled people who have been pushed into doing something they don’t really feel happy about but who have been too slow to prevent it happening.
I remember one colleague who thought so slowly, albeit thoroughly, that often when on the phone to him I would think he had finished the conversation, or gone to sleep.
Incidentally I met an American colleague of his, from Georgia, who made him look like greased lightning – quite amazing!

Another slightly difficult side effect is that frequently when a friend or colleague pauses to collect his thoughts I tend to supply the end to the sentence. Sometimes correctly but sometimes not.

This clearly is really irritating for the other person.

In general, quite inadvertently, it is difficult not to become a bully and it takes a lot of concentrated effort to prevent oneself riding roughshod over other people’s dreams and wishes, even if the wish is merely to be allowed to complete their own sentence.

So where does that leave me now?

The problem seems to be this. My mind has not slowed down as I get older, however its ability to make god decisions (sorry that was meant to be good decisions) seems to be much impaired.
This means that the number of people I upset increases daily not just because I have “bounced” them into agreeing to something they are not happy with but also because the decision I have taken is just not a very good one.

I used to believe that ‘just because a decision has been made quickly it doesn’t mean that it is wrong’.
Now , alas, I feel that as age catches up with me, frequently I do get things very wrong.

So what can I do about it?

To start with I now go around apologising for being an idiot much more but that leaves it a bit late.
It would be good if I could slow my thought processes down a bit and think a bit harder before speaking.
I see no signs of being able to achieve this.
I suppose this could all be seen as a case of mild Asperger’s Syndrome. But I really think that I empathise quite well, and care a lot about other people. I do, I do.

However there are some people who I have ‘bounced’ in a 'Tigger' like fashion who will, no doubt, not agree.