Chapter 65

Two's Company?:

I spent my childhood in two locations. I was born in Hambledon in Hampshire and lived there until I was four years old. We then moved to Bath in Somerset where I lived until I was fifteen when we moved back to Hambledon. Both places were pretty idylic spots for growing up in. Hambledon with its village snug in a valley with the chalk hills of the South Downs and Bath with its magnificent architecture and its parks and its river.
When I was in my twenties and having staggered through my degree I took a job in London and have lived in Dagnall, a village in the Chiltern hills ever since.
For many years I felt homesick for my childhood home. But therein lay a problem.
I can remember thinking that one day I would like to return to live in Hambledon. But, of course, that would leave me homesick for Bath. The converse would also be true. So what could I do?
It seemed that whatever I did - I would still be suffering the sadness of homesickness.
I never found an answer to this.
To prevent this happening to my children we stayed in the same place, Dagnall, until they were all grown up. I hope it has worked.

Now here in Phuket I have a not dissimilar problem.
I have been coming here for nearly five years and in that time met a huge number of interesting people. But I have only met two ladies who have really fired my enthusiasm.
Khun May and khun Bee.
The main thing thay have in common is that if I suggest to either of them that a closer relationship would be good they each reply "You have got to be joking you are far too old."
Now this does upset me a bit, particularily because I think they are absolutely right. So I have to admire and respect them both for being so sensible and not just assessing the size of my wallet.
Since, of course, I am a perverse individual this makes them more attractive than ever.

But here we come to the deja vu bit.
If I was to make a close relationship with May then I would really miss my time with Bee, and, of course, if I was to make a close relationship with Bee then.....etc.etc.
Also because each of them is totally aware of my relationship with the other then this strongly inhibits my chances of getting closer to either of them.
It makes me think that I am in a lose-lose situation.
I am living here in a predominantly Muslim area. I believe Muslims practice polygamy. I cannot begin to imagine how one could make that work but it does begin to make a little sense.
I guess that since both ladies have made it quite clear that they wish only to be good friends with me then these thoughts are all a bit academic but it is interesting that they both hint at the unworthiness of the other in my affections. Hmm! the dreaded jealousy vector can hit at all levels.... but that is, I think, another story to be followed up later.