Chapter 67

Sex, Sun and Songkran:

Yesterday was a bit of a blur. It was Songkran, the Thai New Year festival.
This is the time to relax and get soaking wet. The original religious ceremony consisted of monks pouring little ladles of water on to the statue of Buddha's head. A sort of ritual cleansing I believe. This ceremony has been escalated to such a level that one cannot ride a motorbike down any street here without being deluged with water thrown by happy locals using anything from water pistols to buckets. As one stops one is attacked by other people smearing powder everywhere. So I arrived at the bar a little late. As I stopped I was attacked by yet another gang of hooligans/friends.
It was time to start drinking in earnest.

About mid-day May turned up without her bike. One minute later Peter arrived. He being the character who I believed is, how shall I put it, 'sponsoring' May.
Now May figures prominently in my journals, but I think that I have made it quite clear that our relationship is, at best, that of friends.
So why did the fact that she was with Peter irritate me.

I'll tell you why:

Ever since I moved into my house in November and May chose not to join me(See Chapter 62) I had been aware of Peter's relationship with May. But she just would not admit it.Even when she turned up on a nice motorbike she would not admit where it came from.
I think what annoys me about this is that it tends to make me think that she thinks I'm stupid. And, of course, I don't like that.
To be fair May has always had an attitude of secrecy about her and does not involve herself in the day to day chat and gossip which informs most of us.
I really think that that's her loss and it's a big one.

Anyway after another hour's hard drinking I got fed up and decided to go walkabout and visit as many of the other bars and massage parlours as possible.
At the "Romantic Massage Parlour" I bumped in to Khun L, a lady I have known for some time.
In the dark recesses of my beer-fuddled brain I hatched a plan.
I took Khun L back to the bar and introduced her to my friends, including, of course, May.
We had a couple of beers and headed back to "The Romantic".
The next couple of hours were pleasantly spent in activities which would be familiar to those people who frequent such establishments.
I returned to the bar and my friends.
"Where is your girlfriend" says Khun Aor, right on cue.
"Girlfriend? What girlfriend?" says I.
Oh dear all very childish but I felt better for it.
By about nine that evening I was on my way home.
I rode my motorbike.

So what is this thing I have about May?
I have spent quite a lot of time with May, enough to know that living with her would be a disaster. Her idea of fun is gazing mindlessly at a tv screen. She even leaves it on when she falls asleep in bed at night. She says it is company. This in itself would probably drive me mad, I also don't particularly want to sleep with her.
She is very beautiful but I know her far too well for that to be important.
Am I jealous? Well I don't lie awake at nights trying to banish visions of her entwined with Peter or whoever from my mind.
And as I said, I don't particularly want to sleep with her.

No. I think the problem is that I have spent a lot of time and a lot of effort in trying to understand her. And now I do, well a lot better than most people do anyway.
In a sense this leaves me with nowhere to go in the relationship. I know her strengths, I know her weaknesses but even now I still cannot get her to share with me any more than a small corner of her mind.
Now that has been a challenge and I love challenges.
But the "nowhere to go" bit is the beginnings of the realization that, probably, I will never be able to get her to share other than that small corner of her mind.
Now that saddens me deeply and I do have great difficulty in accepting it.

But where was I? Oh yes "Happy Songkran."