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  <TD HEIGHT="19" COLSPAN="1" ALIGN="LEFT"><DIV CLASS="head"><b>Bangtao Tales</b></DIV></TD>
  <TD HEIGHT="19" COLSPAN="3" ALIGN="RIGHT"><DIV CLASS="head">November 10th 2015</DIV></TD>

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<b>Chapter 85<BR><BR> The Happy Birthday or A Watched Watch!
<BR></b><BR>

<br>
Yesterday was my birthday - and it was very nearly the happiest birthday of my life.<br>
It started off well when I made the decision to change the rules governing birthdays. On facebook I posted the following:<br><br>
"To all those who have remembered and to those who have not I have an important message. Today I have decided that my birthday will be different. I'm bored by the usual rules about adding an extra year each time. So this time, I make the rules ! This year I have decided to be 55. I enjoyed it last time and I'm gonna love it this time. OK?
p.s Birthday Party at Reb's bar on Friday evening (Yes Friday the 13th!!!!!). See you there. Free food."<br><br>
Yes that was definitely a good start.
I then checked my phone messages, emails and Line messages.<br>
The omens were good.<br>
Three ladies who I have considerable regard for had sent me really nice best wishes. One from the lady who runs my bar referred to me as "her lovely boss" - that was nice. Another, of whom more later, wished me "good luck everytime and good health and happy happy birthday. And the third lady, none other than khun May wished me a "wonderful day with all my friends in Phuket."<br><br>
A little later on my way for a swim I met khun Gop at khun Deng's bar and she gave me a present. It was wrapped in paper with the word 'love' wrtten all over it."Open it later" she said.<br>
When I got home, after a shower, I sat down and opened the present. It is a really nice 'American Eagle' wristwatch.<br>
I was deeply moved by this since, even here in Thailand, that is an expensive gift for a Thai lady to give to a farang. <br> On my way to opening my bar later I stopped at khun Deng's and gave khun Gop a big hug and a kiss.<br>
During the evening I received many more goodwill messages and even managed to drink a few beers (after my recent abstinence forced on me by a minor food poisoning episode). Khun Gob phoned to ask if she would see us (my staff, khun Ping) and I) later. We said yes. I got a strong impression that she very much wanted to see me and, perhaps stupidly, thought that the night was looking to be really good.<br><br>
I have always said to khun Gop that I would never give her a single baht to sleep with her since that would just make me another of her many clients. I would only sleep with her if she wanted to sleep with me. This is of course a hopeless strategy but then I am not thinking in terms of strategy but something much more important.<br><br>
Feeling hopeful I arrived at Deng's bar at about 10:30pm.<br>
A solitary Australian sitting at the bar was surrounded by a horde of masseuses/bar girls  including Gop.<br><br>
Khun Pin who is a friend of Gop's said to me that Gop would come with me if she did not succeed with the Australian.<br><br>
She might as well have detonated a stick of dynamite! Rarely have I known  a single sentence have such an immediate impact. My happy birthday was instantly transformed into a miserable one<br><br> 
I left immediately hoping that my anger was not too apparent. However the bloody motorbike wouldn't start and by the time I got it going the whole bar was gazing at my antics.<br>
Arriving at home I sent furious txt messages to Gop and her friend (no not the Australian) all, roughly speaking,  elaborations on the theme of " If on my birthday you would rather have sex for money with a stranger than sleep with me then this is to say goodbye." Really useful stuff!<br><br>
This was not enough to quell my anger (and frustration) so I drove back to the bar still in a heated state. I screeched to a halt and my helmet fell off. I kicked it down the road (not improving the state of my recently damaged big toe).<br>
There was no sign of Gop or the bloody Australian.<BR>
I handed my newly acquired watch to khun Deng and instructed her to return it to Gop as "I didn't want such a present from someone who cared so little about me."<br>
Leaping on to my bike I discovered it wouldn't start again. I kicked it (causing more damage to my toe).<br>
By this stage the audience was in a sort of shocked silence state. Eventually I drove off at full throttle.<br><br>
Khun Ping sent me a txt message saying "why you do like that that no good for looking."  I think I know what she meant.<br><br>
Anyway it is now five a.m. and I am still awake - not good!<br>
So was it a happy birthday?<br>
Now that is what I call a stupid question.


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